Joel Swanson text is full of tabu words, such as death, cancer, tumor, blood, bowels, which he uses in a most natural way without resorting to euphemisms; though sometimes ironically and a bit out of reality.

Nevertheless, the message of the text is clear: We do not know who we are. And that makes us feel that we are always in a state of insecurity,so we spend our lifes doing empty things without a clear consciuosness of what we are doing and of the life that boils all around us.

Swanson wants to catch our attention in the fact that we are not aware of death until we must confront it. Then we start to panic about the idea that we may dissappear for ever; because nobody knows what awaits us after death and that put us, as it were, on the edge of a cliff.

That is what brought the protagonist to take the decission of going on that ‘freaky’ experiment to preseve his/her identity or better said to save the data stored in his/her DNA cells.

And that, as Swanson points out, could happen to any of us, or not…

because My name is *****

You can write your own name in the blank space if you wish…

It keeps on going, and going, and going.

It takes grease out of your way.

Eat fresh.

Different

Get the door

Think different

You are worth it.

I love what you do for me.

I am everyday people.

It gives you wings.

Make it a blockbuster night.

Nice pants.

You and the Captain make it happen.

Turn on the fun!

Go farther.

Choose your advertising

Go farther.

Ride the light.

We love to fly and it shows.

Come fly the friendly skies.

Always a low price.

You are now free to move about the country.

Taste Life.

We do it right

Just do it.

It’s everywhere you want to be.

Everything you need, nothing you don’t.

Nothing beats an original.

What do you want on your tombstone?

Don’t leave home without it.

I love what you do for me.

Doesn’t it feel good to pay less?

Its all within your reach. Have it your way.

Drivers wanted.

Reach out and touch someone.

Our people make the difference.

Diamonds are forever.

and thou hast given them blood to drink; for they are worthy.

and his name will be on their foreheads.

And the fifth angel poured out his vial upon the seat of the beast; and his kingdom was full of darkness; and they gnawed their tongues for pain.

he shall never see death.

But I tell you the truth, there are some standing here, which shall not taste death

They answered and said, He is guilty of death

The sorrows of death compassed me / there is only one / and the pains of hell got hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.

Though you have sore broken us in the place of dragons, and covered us with the shadow of death.

he will be our guide even unto death.

Let darkness and the shadow of death stain it; let a cloud dwell upon it; let the blackness of the day terrify it.

his sweat was as it were great drops of sweat falling down to the ground.

Except you eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, you have no life in you.

Whoever eats my flesh, and drinks my blood, has eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last.

Which long for death , but it comes not

The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.

and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away

And the commandment, which was ordained to life, I found to be unto death.

But sin, that it might appear sin, working death in me by that which is good; that sin by the commandment might become exceeding sinful.

Before I go where I shall not return, even to the land of darkness and the shadow of death

by the blood of thy covenant I have sent forth thy prisoners out of the pit wherein is no water.

that field was called, The field of blood , unto this day.

He that eats my flesh, and drinks my blood, dwells in me, and I in him.

Wherefore I take you to record this day, that I am pure from the blood of all men .

Their feet are swift to shed blood.

And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood.

Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death / Everything you need, nothing you don’t.

Because there was no cause of death in me

signifying what death he should die.

and the dead bodies will lie in the street of the great city.

Then I saw another beast coming up out of the earth, and he had two horns like a lamb and spoke like a dragon.

and blood came out of the winepress, up to the horses’ bridles, for one thousand six hundred furlongs.

Then the fourth angel poured out his bowl on the sun, and power was given to him to scorch with fire. And men were scorched with great heat, and they blasphemed the name of God who has power over these plagues; and they did not repent and give Him glory.

His eyes were like a flame of fire / expect the unexpected / and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself .

I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.

I will also write on him my new name.

He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood , and his name is the Word of God.

Abraham Isaac Jacob Judah Perez Zerah Tamar Hezron Ram Amminadab Nahshon Salmon Boaz Rahab Obed Ruth Jesse David Solomon Uriah Rehoboam Abijah Asa Jehoshaphat Joram Uzziah Jotham Ahaz Hezekiah Manaseh Amon Josiah Jechoniah Shealtiel Zerubel Abiud Eliakim Azor Zadok Achim Eliud Eleazar Matthan Jacob2 Joseph Mary *****

When you ‘launch’ Joel Swanson’s Edentity first you hear is a sudden an unexpected electronic sound. Then three windows open simultaneously:

1. The big window that occupies the whole screen all the time. In the middle of the screen words keep appearing and disappearing, repeating over and over again:

MY NAME IS WHAT MY NAME IS WHAT MY NAME IS WHAT MY NAME IS

These words appear above a mosaic of images together with a range of very different sounds changing every few minutes, creating an uneasy feeling, but obviously this leads to so many interpretations as readers may be.

2. A second window shows up in the middle of the screen on top of the big one with the title

MY NAME IS NOT MY NAME

and a LEGEND: ALLEGORICAL ALLUSIONS.

Then clicking on invisible links the rest of the sentences appear.

3. And finally a third and smallest window shows up below the second one, where initially a list of names, each with a visible link, appears.

So far, we have only had a glimpse of what we are going to find in this hypertext.

Let the show begin! And the only option you have to keep it going is to click in one of the names in the 3^rd window. Then the 2^nd window changes and shows a piece of text with two and sometimes three visible links.

One of those links will take you invariably forward in the story, showing you the next bit of it in chronological order.

The other one will make the 3^rd window change showing a biblical quotation from both the Old and New Testament, most of them being from the Book of Revelations, commonly known as the apocalypse. And, separated by a slash comes another sentence, maybe a thought or an advise for the reader to think about. Here again you find a visible link which may or may not change the 2^nd window. If it does, it can make the story go forward or backwards, if we can talk in those terms. When I say forward or backwards I mean following the order in which the names were listed in the 3^rd window at the beginning. But that is the order I choose for a better understanding.

This can have us navigating through the hypertext eternally going round and round in never ending circles. Like the circle of life and death and life and death…

What I did was follow the name sequences. And, here is the text as I read it. Enjoy it!

I lived in that darkness for what seemed to be days, seconds, years. But I hold no concept of time. I cannot perceive time.
I feel forever and a second all within a moment.
The darkness was pierced by a great tunnel of lights that blurred past my vision. I saw numbers. Data. Streams of information ran past me.
I realized that this data was flowing through me. I was the data / the data was me. Code. Evolution of information.
/ Light blurred by energy. Colors. Light ran through my existence.

Darkness. Complete in absence / I have become the void.

This paragraph has been included in the ‘future’ because it contains the seeds for the future to come and provides a glimpse of it:

The doctors showed me the storage device that would host my consciousness. It was a steel blue cylinder about three inches tall and one inch in diameter. The cylinder opened to reveal a deep blue liquid stored inside. They explained to me that this liquid was an experimental storage medium that encoded data onto the cells. Essentially, it was recording binary information on biological compound. The only difference was that the cells in this compound were dead. I saw what I was to become. Death would hold my life. This small cylinder was a new body.

In this next one the present makes you wonder for the future with fear:

Code. The fundamental structure of life. If I can transcend this structure, I will discover enlightenment, or at least grasp my existence. They want to put me into a machine. How – Biologic vs. Mechanic. I do not understand the difference. It is not pain I am afraid of; it is being forgotten that keeps me up at night. I wonder if machines can commit suicide?

Can I have an upgrade please? My ram is slow today and my app speed is a bit droopy. Performance. Utility and functionality. Form vs. function. If I don’t like myself, I can always buy myself a new faceplate. Then people will think I am beautiful, because I am beautiful. I will embody the contradiction. I have exceeded the conversation. I will be. I will purchase identity, and society must comply.

AM I ?

I

A

M

eyes = blue
skin = hex#339933
height = 6’1″
ideal weight = 185 lbs.
acquiesce to deconstruction

what do you do when you don’t understand / or can’t understand /
flood of panic, desire to control no control. Please, I think I need control
or stop or begin again or give up / surrender / control all your control belong to us.
I left the building similarly to the way I entered. I decided to continue with the experiment. There is not much to lose when death is your only option.

What is self? Is self that which cannot be duplicated? What is original? What defines me define / identity / i/ d / e / n / t / I / y /
i.
I think, I am aware of myself. I touch.
I make a metaphor. I can decide. I can fool people into thinking
am I a computer
1010010110101101011101000101011010
I
I am
I am a
I am a computer

DNA code. Binary blocks. Life. Spontaneous. Life. Order. Chaos. Thought.
It is what makes me we different from a the machine.
I think
I am a highly evolved machine. I am
parts / structure / form
I never knew machines could be paranoid.

What do you do when you don’t understand / or can’t understand
flood of panic, desire to control no control.
Please, I think I need control
or stop or begin again or give up / surrender /
control is not an illusion, it is a lie.
existence. Go ahead bastard, kill me.:

Code. The fundamental structure of life. If I can transcend this structure, I will discover enlightenment, or at least grasp my existence. They want to put me into a machine. How – Biologic vs. Mechanic. I do not understand the difference. It is not pain I am afraid of; it is being forgotten that keeps me up at night. I wonder if machines can commit suicide?

I want to do this thing. I want to be
digital.
I want to be deconstructed. I want to
exist.
My fear is to not exist.
Pain is the only proof of this pitiful existence /
I want to transcend pain. I cannot answer these
questions.
I can not even ask these
questions.

Am I the next step in this evolution, of life, of society, of humanity, of consciousness?
To be aware. To fear. To fear nonexistence. To fear existence.
To be transferred, deconstructed, simulated. To be transferred into binary
1nf0rmat10n101010
1010101
0100010101101010101010
101010101
01010101010
10101000101011101011110001010
0100010101101
10010101010010101010

Plug me in. Stimulate me. I respond when you instruct me. I am society. I am code. I am, I think. I am. not. I am sold. I am bought. Today, I ran out of milk, so I went to the store and bought some more Jesus. This should last me at least a few weeks. I always try to buy in bulk, it saves money.

Can I have an upgrade please? My ram is slow today and my app speed is a bit droopy. Performance. Utility and functionality. Form vs. function. If I don’t like myself, I can always buy myself a new faceplate. Then people will think I am beautiful, because I am beautiful. I will embody the contradiction. I have exceeded the conversation. I will be. I will purchase identity, and society must comply.

Stream my consciousness for others / everyone to see.
1001010101010thought
10101010101010sexuality
01010101010personality
011010101010identity for all to see.
I am the block upon which existence will be formed. I am the progressive step. I am the leader. I hit the rock and I tell the slaves to follow me. I shouldn’t have hit the rock,

I make the rock bleed.

My concept of myself limits me. I must die to live. I must become a slave to be free. I must embrace this paradox.
I must deny rationality.
I must submit to live to live to live. I must die.

They want to put my mind into a machine.

I can taste metal in my mouth. Metal

Darkness. I am surrounded in darkness. Not dark like night, but dark like absence. I have never felt such solitude. I wanted to cry, but had no body with which to cry. I could not move. I could not feel. I was, but I could not. Darkness. I wanted to cut myself / to feel / to reassure myself I existed / pain validates my existence / I had no body to cut.

light / warmth / understanding / Death allowed Life / I have embodied the paradox. He who loses his life will find it. I found life in death, or I was found in death. Truth / elusive and seductively irrational. Call my name. I have never heard this name before, but I knew it was my name. It was written on my forehead. My name is energy. My name is media. My name is information. I am here to be consumed. Used. Exploited. Objectify, commodity, value my existence, for I no longer exist.

My name is *****

I was awoken early this morning by another headache. These things are becoming more and more common. I looked at the L.E.D clock. The green light jarred in my vision as another wave of the headache hit me. I slid into the bathroom. I ran cool water on my face. A drop of dark blood dropped into the stainless-steel sink. I looked at my hands / spattered with blood / and then into the mirror. My face glowed green in the mirror. Thick blood ran down my nose, over my mouth, dripping off my chin / I licked my lips and tasted the sweet thick / I felt another wave of pain wash over my head and spine. I vomited into the sink.

I woke up on the floor in a small pool of blood. I cleaned the floor. I took a shower. My migraine had subsided. I breathed in the thick steam from the hot water. I could hear the alarm in my bedroom ringing. It was 7:30. As my alarm clock rang I began to cry. I have to go to work

I sit at my computer. My interface. I interact with a world, my world behind glass. A lingering drop of blood fell from my nose and onto my computer keyboard. I tried to wipe it off, but it had already worked its ways into the keys. The site of blood caused me anxiety. Blood was far too personal. Blood. They say that life and death are in the blood. I heard that they will pay me $50 bucks for a pint of my blood.

I decided to see a doctor. My frequent headaches and bleeding had led to worry. I decided to see a doctor. He asks me questions. I thought he looked confident. He asked me if I smoked, I lied. He hooked me up to many machines / I watched every wrinkle in his face to communicate what his voice never would. We discussed my headaches. His face looked different, not worried, as if he was tried to hide the fact that he was worried. This made me worried.

I was placed on my back. A motor whirred in my ear and I was pulled into a long tunnel. The light was soft and warm. I could feel waves being passed through my body. I could sense movement all around me. My eyes saw only stillness. The air was cool on my skin. The whirring stopped and I was pushed out of the tunnel. This was my baptism.

I stood there looking at a scan of my brain. The doctor showed me the tumor. It was located behind my right ear. The entire process felt too scientific. They were discussing this tumor as if it was a third person. I wanted them to acknowledge that this thing was inside my head at that very minute. I wanted them to have fear like I had fear. I wanted them to feel what I was feeling. I was told that the tumor developed as a result of my heavy interaction with technological equipment. Years ago, cell phones were made illegal due to cancerous effects, but they could never control the millions of waves that pass through my body every day. All the hours I had spent in front of terminal screens had finally taken their toll. I hate the media.

I thought about the millions of people in the world and how they could exist in such perfect ignorance of the death and disease that run rampant in this society. It was as if this tumor had woken me up from an ignorant stupor. Death is real; death is certain. I had never experienced my finite nature in such a clear way before. I pondered my existence. We all work to keep the illusion that we are important. I worked for years so that others could continue in this ignorant apathy that I had just awoken from. I wanted to scream at the world. Death is real.

I sat in a chair. I heard words like malignant and inoperable. I felt cold. I was told I had one month to live. These words did not have the impact on me that I would have expected. I would not give fear the last corner of my mind. She asked me if I was okay. I replied yes and I was not lying. I was okay. I felt a sensation almost comparable to peace. I experienced a rare clarity. I think it was the understanding of the insignificance of my existence, and the futility of my attempts to prolong it. I had lived my entire life trying to live up to a responsibility of existence that I could never achieve. Surrender is the only way to find freedom. I can now see the face of my enemy.

I rode the subway home is silence. It was filled with people, but quiet. I felt as if everyone on that train was starring into their own lives. All we held in common was the fact that we all had pain, and we were all going to die. I wanted to cry. I felt such a great sense of compassion and love for these people that I did not even know. I wanted to tell them that it was okay, that death will come, but it is okay. I had never seen these people before.

I slept. I slept like I had never slept before. I woke up, and for the first time I truly appreciated the rising sun. I felt privileged to be able to see life through the eyes of impending death. I had one month to live in which life was more real that I could ever imagine. I did not want to travel, skydive, or bungee-jump. All I wanted to do was live life as I always had, but with the new eyes that I had been given. I was ready to die / I made myself eggs and watched CNN.

I sat on the steps and starred at the shadows. I watched them move slowly. As they crossed each other they made smooth, simple patterns. I was content to watch them. I though about the shadows, and wondered if they died when the sun disappeared. They faded into night and I was left in darkness. It is a strange phenomenon to anticipate your own degradation. As the cancer spread, it gained a face, a soul. I spoke with it when I woke up. It became my friend. I no longer looked at the pain as an enemy, but as a tool. The cancer was now a part of me, and for the short rest of my life I decided to live with this entity in unison. I would no longer fight this power, but let it do its work it me. I surrendered.

I could feel my mind being eaten away. I would forget simple things. Words / faces / memory failed me. I have never felt such a feeling of impotence.
The thing that is everything to me, and nothing to anyone, my mind, was dying.
Throughout my life, I prided myself on my ability to think. I could no longer finish my thoughts. My sentences were incomplete. My identity was being eaten away by this silent killer. I would urinate in public. I could not control my simple motor skills. I would drool in the middle of meetings. My body was dying.

I ponder death. I realized how much of my life I have lived trying to avert death. I exercised, tried to eat right, took vitamin supplements / but I am still going to die. Technology and medicine attempted to prolong my life, but in reality, they only reminded me of my own mortality. I feel my immersion in all things technological only heightened my awareness of death. The deeper I dug, the louder the voice screamed, even if subconsciously. For all my attempts to hide, death had still found me. I imagined smashing my head into the concrete. That would make my brain spill out and then the tumor would die. I win.

I would not call myself catatonic, I just did not want to move. I lay in my bed. I did not make my bed. I quit my job. There is no reason to work with less than a month to live. At first I thought that I would do wonderful things. All I wanted to do was lay in bed.
I was awoken by my cell phone. The woman on the other end spoke my name. She told me that she was with a medical group that was interested with my “situation”. In my mind it was not much of situation. It was a tumor. She told me that the people that she worked with wanted to meet with me to discuss possible treatments for my condition. I asked her for information about this medical company, but she responded only by giving me a time to meet with them. This was followed by an address and then she hung up the phone. Dial tones, like blood, piss me off.

I put on a coat. I walked following the directions.
I enjoyed few things as much as walking. I found the address of where I was going. The building looked exactly as I expected it to look. Clean design / professional / marketable / stable. If I wasn’t dying, I think I would invest in their stock because I liked their building.
I found what I thought to be the front door and entered.
I entered the building. It was nice. A low hum filled my brain.
I liked the way it felt in my brain.

After I entered the building, I rode the elevator up to the 7th floor.
An expansive glass laboratory filled my view. Biomedical equipment and lab technicians filled these rooms. I was approached by an attractive woman in a lab coat. She spoke my name, welcomed me, and ushered me past the glass laboratories into a brightly lit conference room that overlooked what appeared to be a surgical room.

He and she expressed sympathy at my situation, but also communicated great hope at the possibility of a new treatment (sickeningly optimistic). They passed me a silver folder and proceeded to inform me of a breakthrough procedure. I listened in a state of horror and amazement. He told me that my body was dying and could not be saved, but my mind could be preserved without my body. They had developed a system to transfer a person’s consciousness onto digital media. They offered me the opportunity to exist in cyberspace – indefinitely. They said I would be father to a new existence. I tried not to laugh at them. They said it would cost three-million dollars to save my existence. I would put it on my credit card. They chose their words very carefully.

My initial reaction: cliché disbelief. I quickly accepted the possibility of the prolonging of my consciousness. The doctors explained the experimental nature of this procedure. They had successfully transferred primate consciousness into cyberspace, but were aware of several indeterminable factors in the process of transferring a human consciousness. I think this meant that they did not know what happened to a soul. I did not know if I wanted to believe in a soul. Religion only makes people deal with things they don’t want to. If God exists, then I will have to change my identity. Atheism is far more simple. I like simple.

The doctors showed me the storage device that would host my consciousness. It was a steel blue cylinder about three inches tall and one inch in diameter. The cylinder opened to reveal a deep blue liquid stored inside. They explained to me that this liquid was an experimental storage medium that encoded data onto the cells. Essentially, it was recording binary information on biological compound. The only difference was that the cells in this compound were dead. I saw what I was to become. Death would hold my life. This small cylinder was a new body.

They shaved my head and asked me to take off my clothes. They laid me on a smooth metal table and covered me in a thin white sheet. I was wheeled into an operating room. They stuck an iv into my arm. I felt the pinch of the needle as bright lights obscured my vision. Many faces peered down upon me. It became clear that I was an experiment, not a patient. I felt pain. I felt them attaching numerous electrodes to my head. I saw a reflection of myself in a nearby screen. Wires crawled from my shaven head, my neck, and my back. I was afraid.

Great spasms of pain ran up my body. I felt my bowels release. I felt an erection growing. My legs began to shake. They continued to drive wires deep within my skull. I could hear drilling. I smelled smoke; it was the stench of my skull as they drilled. I felt hot. I saw a doctor nod his head. I could hear the EKG racing rapidly. I felt sharp jolts of electricity run through my body. I tried to scream, but could only silently open my mouth. My body arched on the table and sent my blood splattering on the doctors. They tried to hold me down, but the excess of blood and bodily fluids had made my body slick. I wanted this to end. I wanted to die.

I lost consciousness for a short time / Sharp pain / Migraine in my head. I can not move. I focused on my hand. I can not move. People / People stared at me, down on me. Eyes on me. I tried to speak. I can not open my mouth. Eye try to look around. I could not move my i’s.
I can not close my eyes. Stinging in my eyes. Sting / I can not move my eyes. I can not breath. I can not move. I cannot move my eyes. I began to panic.

I resigned / I give up. I can not fill my lungs with air. /// Panic subsided /// a tingling sensation filled my body or lack of body. I do not have to breathe. I do not have to live / just exist / I continued to exist. My body lie limp. A new reality ran throughout my <body>body</body>

I give up trying to breathe, to live / a warm peace ran over my body. Surrender. I just experienced death, but did not die. I think. I watched as the doctors continued to hover over my body. I saw them take large scalpels and cut deeply into my torso and legs. I saw blood spill from my body. They cut. I saw my body convulse as they tugged at my intestines. They began to cut my arms off with a bone saw. Blood sprayed upon their mint green coats. I saw bone-dust and blood mingle in the bright fluorescent light. It reminded me of hot stars.

Blood always makes me feel uneasy. This was my blood. My life, my code, my essence. I watched as they continued to dismember my body. I watched them cut off my fingers, hands, and legs. They tagged and placed each body part into a separately labeled clear bag. They continued up my arms to my shoulders. My vision jarred as they pulled my arms from their sockets. I was now only a torso with a head. Blood soaked the sheet that had once covered my body. I watched as the doctors began to cut and dismember my face. Technology killed the cat. I saw brief glimpses of my reflection. I was an amalgamation of wires, muscle, bone, and blood.

I can not move my head to watch. I know they are splitting my rib cage. I heard the clean snap of my sternum as they cracked through. I felt them carefully pull out my liver, my stomach, my heart. They placed each organ into a specially marked bag. Each time they pulled out an organ, they replaced it with wires. Wires for legs, wires for arms, one wire for each finger, wires for genitalia. An array of wires spilled from where my heart used to beat. I feel no pain, only warmth. I watch all this through a dim reflection in the metal light overhead.

I felt my vision darken. I knew that my body was no longer a part of me. The last thing I saw was the instrument that plucked my eyes from their sockets. Absence filled my mind as they severed my eyes from the brain stem. I was now dead. But I still existed. I think therefore.

I wrestle with this darkness, beautiful tranquility and yet / struggle.
I wanted to give up, to acquiesce. I tried so hard to give it up. I tried so hard to stop. I TRIED SO HARD TO STOP. The light broke my hip and then I realized that I had no hip.:

I was overwhelmed with sadness. Not depression or despair, only sadness. I had the desire to cry, but no way for tears to come. I again resigned myself. I gave in to waiting. The journey is the thing. I fell apart inside myself. I felt broken. I fell apart into pieces. My head fell off my shoulders. My arms broke off and my legs crumbled. I looked up at life from the bottom of the well.